Friday, 6 November 2015

Lady January Silver Tasberry goes shopping

Lady January Silver Tasberry goes shopping. And learns of the most stupid names for cushion styles.

Oh driver come to my house.
and park outside my door
For I must now shop till late
at the B & Q   Harrods boudoir

I must get some brand new drapes
And covers for my chair
For Tofu my Bichon Frise
is shredding all his hair.

So many styles, so many tastes.
The choices are divine.
How lush these scatter cushions are
for such a taste as mine.

Only those with regal blood
with airs and demeanours
Would never use such common words
or purchase high street wares

A Lady who has elegance
does never say it’s
Blue is such a common word
one says its Star light hue.

Nigella's shaggy blueberry!
Is sitting on that shelf
in vogue they say, a real must have
I’ll buy it for myself

This cushion is a faithful friend
To reinforce ones nether
the style designed in Paris
made from Panda leather.


Its free-range or so they say
Organic and born free
No pandas were of course harmed
They like stupid names you see……

Tuesday, 27 October 2015


When you are feeling rather glum
And your life is not that fun
go to the shops and buy a banana
For the shape will make you mellow
and of course its hue is yellow
Oh what fun to have a chum that is a banana

Full of good things for your health
doesn’t cost you all your wealth
Handy things they are those bananas
when you peel the skin do count
one, two, three, four skins shout it out!
So much glee unless it’s three to peel a banana
You will find I tell no lie
can’t look folks straight in the eye
Without  blushing all red when you eat the banana
There is something about the size
you won’t get it, less your wise
A saucy little thing to eat a banana

Of course it’s a comic thing
it’s a laugh that makes you sing
when you drop the peel of your banana
For when no one takes a glance
they will do a little dance
To slip up and go flying on that banana

But at least it made you hack
even though they broke their back
and you chuckle to yourself over the banana
Though the ambulance crew
did all glance over there to you
They will never know the joke about the banana

Wednesday, 30 September 2015

Sinking feeling.

Mum she saw a butler sink.
And without a single wink
I replied. Oh that must have been awful for the family.

She looked at me in confusion.
At my air of such delusion.
A butler’s sink. The thing we wash the dishes in. She said.

Monday, 24 August 2015


Don’t believe that lady birds are cute little bugs.
In the insect world (I tell no lie) they are nasty little thugs.
No aphid stands a chance to flee they catch them two by two.
An army of the lady birds devour them and chew.
The reason that I hate them not because of aphids doom.
Or the fact they tend to hibernate in my old spare room.
It’s the time they swarm in numbers, the day they met their plight
because the little feckers hurt you, when they fecking bite.

Monday, 17 August 2015

A pondering thought about bees

I would rather have an ugly plant that attracts bees
then a pretty plant that doesn't.

Monday, 3 August 2015

Sussex vale

In the garden in a hidden Sussex vale
where hillocks cause early sun to turn pale.
hidden from eye down a long narrow way
A haven is found just down the way
An old bridge hides waterfalls just a splashing sound
Water flows from ancient springs far underground
Kingfishers call flying low between fern filled walls
Not noticing damselfly’s and kin dancing over the pools
Bumble bees and honey bee drift on by
Dragonfly’s swoop high as new born ant queens fly.
Hawking, dancing, catching insects on the wing.
Amongst the flying ballet two goldfinch now join in.

Light shines down through the ever changing trees
Tree creepers dodge and cling there among the leaves
Fallow deer graze casual in a meadows full of grass
only looking up to see a single fox go pass
Robins sing with blackbirds, thrushes call aloud
a buzzard is heard calling high up in the clouds
The light is getting dim now but insects still are seen
Wagtails grey and yellow feed among the green.
Soon the moths will wake, once hidden from the light
flying up towards the moon, where the bats take flight.
You may just hear a badger, or fox call in the pale
all protected in a little Sussex vale.

Thursday, 18 June 2015


Dedicated to Andy Lazenby and Sharon Macdonald from The uckfield free site on Facebook.
Things for free, need a new home
A pair of skates, a novelty phone
a load of bricks and garden chair
Put on Uckfield free. We don’t care

A satellite dish, a garden pond
one of harry potters wands
A Barbie doll with just one hand
A giant ball of rubber bands

A Broken lamp, a strange stuffed cat
One welly and a cowboy hat
A rather fetching pair of socks
A clock with a tick, it has no tock

A teddy bear that’s moulted slightly
Furry handcuffs, just used nightly
A blown up sheep, a chewed dog bone
A singing, mooning garden gnome

The one ring to rule them all
A catapult and cannon ball
the holy grail, an Egyptian mummy
An ice cream that’s gone all runny

Do not charge, it’s not allowed
to give away, it does your proud
To help a stranger, don’t be a grump
it saves you a trip to the dump.